it's a monday, the last one of my first, and last, spring semester in rexburg. here i am, sitting on the couch having just finished a essay for my religion final and i'm relaxing, and procrastinating by reading other friends blogs. it's interesting, wondering who's reading your thoughts from afar as you read the musings of others.
to whom it may concern: i love other people's music. often times, because it becomes my own thanks to their enlightenment. i have entirely too much time to think about life lately- i've realized that i don't make sense- not to myself or to anyone else. God is probably the only one who understands me. and for that i'm grateful. I'm also grateful for the experiences in my life- really i am, all of them. i realize that my writing always has a little bit of a jaded tint to it- just so any potential readers are aware- i really am happy right now. despite all the hard things in life- i am HAPPY. i am happy on my own, i'm OK with not knowing what will happen in the future (mostly ok with it...i do wonder though...what is in store. making me kind of anxious to find out soon).
i have so many memories that are triggered by musical notes- 1901 by Phoenix is doing that for me right now. It's a funny thing- those 'what if's'. I have quite a few rolling around in my head right now. My heart is thumping along in my body and restlessness is dancing around on all my senses. i find it odd to be realizing right now that my attempt to clear up one of those BIG "what if's" i have created another one. JSYK- i wish i could follow that new what if's path. I don't regret my choices because i know that everything happens for a reason, but i do wish i could have another go at that what if. who knows, maybe i will. i hope so.
this blog post hardly makes sense to me, i know no one else will get it.
haha. life is grand- it really is. :) i'm just not always a cheery typer- but talk to me face to face- or voice to voice at least and you'll see, i'm happy :)
July 18, 2011
July 16, 2011
ode to rambles
well here i am, lying on the floor of my room surrounded by all my clutter from these last 3 semesters. i can't believe that there is only two left for me at BYUI, i'll be sad to leave and excited to see where i go from there. a mission maybe? :) i hope so. i would just like to sit here, ignore homework and prattle on about a few things that i'm thinking about.
currently:
my new notebook of goals, quotes, to-do's, thoughts, art ideas etc. i'm proud of myself for actually getting one, and already filling 3 pages. .94 cents yo, that was worth it. all ninety-four pennies will get their money's worth. i hope... haha.
well- that shoe box- it's full of memories that i carry with me, praying daily that i will let them go free and far from my present state of mind and emotions. there's no room for wasted thoughts and/or emotions. it is so incredible, the capacity of the human heart to feel. mine is so full all the time with love for so many different parts of my life (those parts are people fyi because that's all that's important in life, to me at least). but what really amazes me is the level of sadness that you can sink to if you let yourself. i'm glad that although i can see that place, feel it's pull...i'm avoiding it as best as i can right now. i have God to thank for that strength. I've never felt so alone but so full of love for God as i do right now.
i'm desperately dreaming and wishing for Sea Ranch right now. It is my favorite place in the whole world. it beats hawaii, cancun, new port beach, the carribean..for me at least. i'll never love a place more than i love those steep cliffs, mountainous redwood hikes, the sun light filtering in and lighting up the pages of whatever book i brought along for that summer's trip. the smell of the northern california coast will always bring me comfort and a sense of belonging. i want to retire up there, on the redwood smattered coast (i guess smattered doesn't count as a word..haha) with a man who loves me and kids who know that i'm always there for them, no matter what they do or how they act. i want to watch the stars at night and see the sun set through the mist and fog. i want to catch crabs, canoe in rivers and paint pictures that i've taken. oh, and i want some horses.
for now, i'm learning how to be patient. it's hard, because of how passionate i am, i'm always in the "now" mindset. but that's changing as i remind myself to focus on the tasks at hand instead of rushing moments along to some desired outcome. i don't want to miss out, even if there are somethings happening that i don't want to witness or go through.
eternal perspective...i'm workin on it. :) reading my scriptures 20 minutes everyday for the last month has strengthened me so much. i feel the spirit helping me all the time. i also really love to see the temple...especially in the mornings when i go by myself. but also every time i walk outside in Rexburg. I'll miss that when i head home for the 7-week break. I hope i can go to Oakland with my sister at least once or twice before September.
it's all going to be ok.
i'm grateful for Mumford and Sons and for the fun times this weekend and this semester. It'll be nice to head home...i need some distance from all the 'things' (people...and i guess things..maybe i mean places) i've grown to love here. sometimes you just need space from love.
xoxo
currently:
my new notebook of goals, quotes, to-do's, thoughts, art ideas etc. i'm proud of myself for actually getting one, and already filling 3 pages. .94 cents yo, that was worth it. all ninety-four pennies will get their money's worth. i hope... haha.
well- that shoe box- it's full of memories that i carry with me, praying daily that i will let them go free and far from my present state of mind and emotions. there's no room for wasted thoughts and/or emotions. it is so incredible, the capacity of the human heart to feel. mine is so full all the time with love for so many different parts of my life (those parts are people fyi because that's all that's important in life, to me at least). but what really amazes me is the level of sadness that you can sink to if you let yourself. i'm glad that although i can see that place, feel it's pull...i'm avoiding it as best as i can right now. i have God to thank for that strength. I've never felt so alone but so full of love for God as i do right now.
i'm desperately dreaming and wishing for Sea Ranch right now. It is my favorite place in the whole world. it beats hawaii, cancun, new port beach, the carribean..for me at least. i'll never love a place more than i love those steep cliffs, mountainous redwood hikes, the sun light filtering in and lighting up the pages of whatever book i brought along for that summer's trip. the smell of the northern california coast will always bring me comfort and a sense of belonging. i want to retire up there, on the redwood smattered coast (i guess smattered doesn't count as a word..haha) with a man who loves me and kids who know that i'm always there for them, no matter what they do or how they act. i want to watch the stars at night and see the sun set through the mist and fog. i want to catch crabs, canoe in rivers and paint pictures that i've taken. oh, and i want some horses.
for now, i'm learning how to be patient. it's hard, because of how passionate i am, i'm always in the "now" mindset. but that's changing as i remind myself to focus on the tasks at hand instead of rushing moments along to some desired outcome. i don't want to miss out, even if there are somethings happening that i don't want to witness or go through.
eternal perspective...i'm workin on it. :) reading my scriptures 20 minutes everyday for the last month has strengthened me so much. i feel the spirit helping me all the time. i also really love to see the temple...especially in the mornings when i go by myself. but also every time i walk outside in Rexburg. I'll miss that when i head home for the 7-week break. I hope i can go to Oakland with my sister at least once or twice before September.
it's all going to be ok.
i'm grateful for Mumford and Sons and for the fun times this weekend and this semester. It'll be nice to head home...i need some distance from all the 'things' (people...and i guess things..maybe i mean places) i've grown to love here. sometimes you just need space from love.
xoxo
July 11, 2011
Lewis Caroll
“There is no use trying” said Alice, “One can’t believe impossible things”.
“I dare say you haven’t had much practice” said the Queen. “When i was your
age, I always did it for an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many
as six impossible things before breakfast.”
“I dare say you haven’t had much practice” said the Queen. “When i was your
age, I always did it for an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many
as six impossible things before breakfast.”
July 9, 2011
David, Jonathan and Saul
David: | Jonathan: | Saul: |
Obedient Wise Loves the Lord Friend Honest Peacemaker Warrior Leader, gains followers Anointed of the Lord | Loving (of David) Makes/Keeps Covenants Kindhearted Mediator Friend Peacemaker Warrior Prince/Leader Loyal Righteous | Selfish Prideful Violent Angry Leader/King Warrior Wicked Hateful Disobedient Hardhearted |
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