it's incredible, the feeling of being on your own. it's so mind boggling to me to find myself here, in this place in life. i don't know anything about my future, where it's going or who it will bring, or even who it won't bring. everything seems like it's up in the air and out of my control. all i have control over is my present...sort of. i somewhat, have control over how much i think about the past. it's hard right now, some parts of every day, i find myself missing the past. i miss the love that i felt and the love that i gave. i still have that love in me somewhere, it belongs to the most important person in my world. of everyone, that person holds my heart. although, i know with time someone will replace me and i'll replace them...it's hard to imagine. but it's just the way that life works. in the meantime, i guess i'm just focusing on being the daughter of God that i need to be, that's the most important. if not the hardest part of life right now. trusting God is difficult sometimes...often times. but it is where the growth is. i don't want to grow up...at all. but i do want to grow stronger. i just feel the fear of losing who i love most...that's where the trust comes i guess.

time will tell.