ramble

Walking. Turning corners. Elliptical machine. The talking, lifting, sweating, music, people all around. Mouth dry, legs tired. Walking outside. Looking up, seeing snow flakes falling. Owl city is playing. My mind is reeling. Cars driving by, people walking in pairs. Breathing. Legs aching, my heart feels sore. I think it's been working in overdrive. Doorbell rings, heart beats faster. Dreaming, eyes fly open. The clock says go back to bed. Dreams come again, always a surprise. The snow crunches underfoot. I slip and slide, lightheaded. Eye lids feel heavy. Questions asked, reluctantly answered. Fake smiles sting. Laughter helps. The sun is hiding. Overwhelmed. Lacking motivation. Running, far and hard. Stopping to watch the sunset's light play on the sidewalk, the leaves. Leaves fall and dry up, blowing around me. I smile, memories flying through my head. I cry, memories consuming me, hitting the middle of my stomach. Music saves me. Music condemns me. With or without you. Ache. Hands in pockets. Hands clenching my pillow. Knees in my stomach, curled in a ball. I miss my pillow. Vanilla twilight. The moon is bright. Cold whips my face, so i look at the ground. My thoughts are heavy, so my face points down. Pandas make me miss you. Pictures make me smile, burning a hole in my mind. Pathetic, i feel pathetic. Lonely but not alone. Never good enough.