five in the morning

this morning i was woken up by a strange dream that i can no longer remember and have been awake ever since. i still am taken back by how odd it is that no matter how tired your body is, it can keep going as long as your mind is moving. i went to bed at one in the morning and therefore only got about four hours of sleep. i sat around my room after downing some cheerios wondering what to do with myself. then i spied my camera sitting on the desk and the fresh morning light peeking through my blinds and it clicked. so i quickly got dressed, grabbed my ipod and camera and hopped into the suburban leaving my sleeping house. i got a few good pictures, but thats not all i got. i realized that i am happier this way. its fine to be alone. i don't need people's approval or to be on their good side. why in the world would i care wether or not i am in someone's good graces when they are clearly not in mine anymore? i'm not the bad guy. i NEVER have been.

so two hours later i returned to find my house still and silent. so i grabbed my keys and donned my flip flops and was quickly en route to the pool. i easily pounded out a meager mile and a half (108 laps) in an hour and climbed out of the pool with a huge smile on my face and a clear head.

i've been learning a lot about myself lately. until i find my future hubby (at LEAST a good two or three years from now) i'm going to have to be comfortable in solitude. how can i be there for someone when i have been neglecting me? the answer is that i can't. a life time with only one heart break isn't enough for someone like me. i know that i will constantly hit road blocks but i also know that i will always find a way to break them down. i've been doing it my whole life. so why would this one be any different? life is complicated but the rules are simple.

1. stay true to who you are.
2. if you don't know who you are, find out.
3. live your life for the ones that you love.
4. find the up side to everything. (there will always be a downside no matter what.)
5. stick with it no matter what.

so today, i made the most of my situation. i captured the beauty we all miss most mornings and i felt my body push its self; working like a well oiled machine.

i'm never happier than when i take a beautiful picture and i never feel better than i do when i cut through the cold chlorinated water. that's all i need right now. its all i want.